Sunday, December 9, 2012

A week of self reflection

A week? A full week?? It has been too long since I posted and I apologize for that.

This week I have done a lot of soul searching. I noticed a drastic increase in my “food binges” and decided to actually sit down and really think about what is going on. What am I using food to cope with? What emotions am I trying to avoid??

I realized a few things- first, I do not like to think I did something wrong or made a mistake. Do I have a hard time admitting I did? Not at all. You learn from these things .. however I do not like to think I “made a mistake” or “messed up” or all the other ways you can describe “being wrong”.There is a huge difference in the levels of something wrong. I am not talking about something like driving while intoxicated or stealing from someone, or all the things our country has “laws” for. I mean things wayyyy down on the “wrong scale”. I think the term “mistake” better describes what I am referring to. Maybe this starts with school. IF you do something wrong- there is a consequence. If you get an answer wrong- you get points taken away. Boom. Hit at the soul. My parents held grades so high when I was in school that if I did not understand something, got answers wrong, etc.. my anxiety level increased soooo much. I did not realize it at the time. I realize it now.

I also find I allow work to really increase my stress levels. I struggle with time management skills and really need to work on those. I am aware it is a weakness I have but it causes so much stress for me. Add that into a job where they keep asking me to do more and more and more in the same amount of time and my stress is at an all time high. I found this tool to use when I feel stressed...

Maybe I should have one of these next to my desk at work!! haha. I decided I am going to break up with stress. I do not need it in my life. I do not want it in my life. It only brings me down! No more of that.

I am reading a book now called: Food: The Good Girls Drug. I really recommend reading it to those who use food to cope with emotions/feelings/stress, etc. It has helped open my eyes to some of these things and shows me that I am not alone.

I hope everyone has had a great week!!

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