2013- New year, new me!

So yes, I am going to be part of the millions of statistics and say my new years resolution is to get in shape... but I mean “get in shape” when it comes to mind, body and soul. I am not going to give up after a month or two. I want to become the best me I can be by really focusing on learning to love and forgive myself and really work on reaching my goal of decreasing body fat and increasing muscle mass. I know the first steps in doing this (for me) are to learn to love myself the way I am now. I am way too hard on myself each time I think I have “slipped up”. It ends up sending me on a downward spiral and the end results are even worse. Which then makes me angry at myself, starting the cycle again. I know I have mentioned this before in my posts but I really think the first step is forgiveness.

Yesterday I decided to journal... 1845s style with a pen and paper :)

I wanted to write down everything I was feeling instead of using food to cover up all of my emotions. I did not realize all of the feelings/emotions coursing through me until I wrote them down. Being 28, single, living at home.. all of these things were really bothering me but I did not realize it at the time. There is nothing wrong with any of those things. I am 28 (ok, not that old), I am single (is being single really that bad??) and I live at home (I have my masters and went to an expensive college for 6 years.. I owe them my first unborn child with the amount I have in loans) but am lucky enough to have an AMAZING family. I put so much pressure on myself with my bills, the way I look, the things I eat, etc. I am too much of a people pleaser. I want to make everyone happy and I do not want anyone mad at me, I don't want to make mistakes, etc. I need to learn it is OK to make mistakes. It is how I am going to learn and grow as a person.

2013 is going to be a good year. I am going to learn to love myself the way I am now. I am going to forgive myself for things I see as mistakes. I am not going to be so hard on myself if I make a “mistake”. I am not going to compare myself to others. I am going to become the healthiest and fittest me I can be. Here's to 2013!

Check out the "I workout" section for a body weight "cleanse" workout. I am going to do this workout tomorrow morning.. no equipment needed but you!
 

Now off to lift some back and biceps and spin!! Happy New years everyone!

Dukan diet started.

It's been awhile. I apologize for that. I feel like I am always starting my posts this way!!! I promise to try and do better with my posting! The last few weeks have been a blur due to work and stress. I am feeling very thankful they are over and it is now Christmas Break!! A full week off. I brought some work home to do but it is still a break. Much needed! I hope everyone has had a stress free preparation for Christmas!

I started this nutrition plan called the Dukan diet. Not really a nutrition plan but I am not a fan of the word “diet”... so I will stick with the lesser of the evils. It is a “nutrition plan” based around 4 phases. The first phase is called the attack phase. This part of the plan involves eating only proteins including lean chicken, turkey, seafood/fish, 0% greek yogurt and fat free cottage cheese. You can eat a lot of lean meat but I am not the biggest fan of meats so for me I am limited to chicken/turkey in that area. No calorie counting and as much of the limited protein only foods. During this phase you are supposed to see the most “weight loss”. I am not sure if this is going to be due to a decrease in water weight, carbs, etc. I will let you all know how it goes. Today was day 3 for me and I was craving carbs like whoa. I ate a lot today... at least I felt like I did. I am not supposed to calculate calories but if I had to guess I would say I was somewhere in the 2200-2500 calorie range which is a lot for me. At least I think it is. I just wanted to be able to stick to something during the holiday. I know if I did not set my mind to something it would become a free-for-all with all the tempting foods around. Not including all the cookie baking I have been doing. Man, I love me some Christmas cookies!

This morning I did a WOD which I want to share with you guys. It is a great one. I end it shaking! Love that :) Check out my I workout page for the posted workout. It took me 23 minutes.

Merry Christmas Eve- Eve!

Just say no to Christmas cookies

Tradition.

Every family has their own. A tradition my mother, brother and I have is baking Christmas cookies. My mother and I make the dough.. my brother steals the dough and eats it. My mother and I bake the cookies.. my brother steals the freshly baked cookies and eats them. Tradition.

Well... my mother and I decided to start our cookies yesterday. We experimented with some new dough so we made a “pre- Christmas” batch to see how they would turn out. I figured I would have a cookie.. and then let my brother and father eat the rest. Needless to say that did not happen. I had to have had at least 10 cookies. Literally. They are very small butter cookies.. but still. 10 cookies. If I am lucky. Then today my mother and I made my favorite cookies which we have not made in years. They are cookies which take 2 days to make. A process which we really have not felt like doing in a long time. This year, we decided to do it. Today, like yesterday.. I thought I would have a piece of one (these are very LARGE cookies). Well some dough and 4-5 cookies later I am sitting here very upset with myself. I am not the type of person who can eat a cookie and enjoy it. I am the type who eats a cookie and immediately feels guilty for going off my “nutrition plan”. Can you imagine eating 20 cookies in 2 days? What that is doing to my brain?!? Yikes!! Not a good thing. It also makes my body go into a rebellion. I feel gross = I don't workout. My body does not feel right and I feel like if I was to walk into the gym everyone would see the bright sign over me saying “I ate 10000 cookies today”. I am working on changing my mind set. Moments like these make me realize I still have a long way to go on my journey to body/food acceptence.

I need to realize that this is life. Sometimes we eat good food, and sometimes we eat food that really is not nutritionally good for us. There are worse things in life. I wish I could take a magic pill or wake up one morning without this issue. I do not like my unhealthy relationship with my body and food. I want it to go away and leave me alone so I can enjoy my life. I only get to live it once. I need to let go of the things that really are not a big deal. I need to be happy for all the wonderful things I have. I need to face things head on instead of eating to hide my emotions and anxieties.

Thank you for listening to my rant. I hope those of you who feel this way too are reading this and realizing you are not alone. There are so many other men and women out there who are struggling with these kind of feelings every day. Each day is a new one. Lets learn to forgive ourselves. Lets learn to live life to the fullest and enjoy every second we have.

A week of self reflection

A week? A full week?? It has been too long since I posted and I apologize for that.

This week I have done a lot of soul searching. I noticed a drastic increase in my “food binges” and decided to actually sit down and really think about what is going on. What am I using food to cope with? What emotions am I trying to avoid??

I realized a few things- first, I do not like to think I did something wrong or made a mistake. Do I have a hard time admitting I did? Not at all. You learn from these things .. however I do not like to think I “made a mistake” or “messed up” or all the other ways you can describe “being wrong”.There is a huge difference in the levels of something wrong. I am not talking about something like driving while intoxicated or stealing from someone, or all the things our country has “laws” for. I mean things wayyyy down on the “wrong scale”. I think the term “mistake” better describes what I am referring to. Maybe this starts with school. IF you do something wrong- there is a consequence. If you get an answer wrong- you get points taken away. Boom. Hit at the soul. My parents held grades so high when I was in school that if I did not understand something, got answers wrong, etc.. my anxiety level increased soooo much. I did not realize it at the time. I realize it now.

I also find I allow work to really increase my stress levels. I struggle with time management skills and really need to work on those. I am aware it is a weakness I have but it causes so much stress for me. Add that into a job where they keep asking me to do more and more and more in the same amount of time and my stress is at an all time high. I found this tool to use when I feel stressed...

 

 

 

Maybe I should have one of these next to my desk at work!! haha. I decided I am going to break up with stress. I do not need it in my life. I do not want it in my life. It only brings me down! No more of that.

I am reading a book now called: Food: The Good Girls Drug. I really recommend reading it to those who use food to cope with emotions/feelings/stress, etc. It has helped open my eyes to some of these things and shows me that I am not alone.

I hope everyone has had a great week!!

It's been awhile...

How crazy is it that it is December???? I am still wrapping my mind around the fact that there are less than 25 days until Christmas. Time flies...

I have neglected my blog for a bit... which probably is not so good since I am new to this whole blogging thing.. falling behind already, Yikes!!

My week was crazy. Students were crazy, the things I had to pack into the hours I am awake in a day seemed totally over whelming. All I know is I am ready for Christmas break. I think both the school staff and students need it... big time.

My nutrition has not been the greatest. Each time I make a “mistake” I find myself saying it will never happen again.. and of course it does and then I feel guilty. The cycle then starts all over. I am working on it. I know this is something that is not an over night fix... and I will get there. I just need to learn to have patience for myself.

Workouts consisted of my usual spin classes with a few crossfit inspired workouts thrown in. Yesterday was my nice long Saturday cycle (2 hour spin) and today was an at home HIIT workout. Took me 45 minutes:

• 50 overhead walking lunges (25lb plate)
• 15 ½ burpees (weighted)
• 50 kb swings
• 15 ½ burpees (weighted)
• 50 bicep curl to overhead press (10 lbs)
• 15- ½ burpees (weighted)
• 50 hand release push ups
• 15- ½ burpees (weighted)
• 50 thrusters (25lb plate)
• 15- ½ burpees (weighted)
• 50 butt kicks (off plyo box)
• 15- ½ burpees (weighted)
• 100 arm circles (50 forward/50backward)
• 15- ½ burpees (weighted)
• 30 (each leg) single leg dead lift + back row (20 lb kb)
• 15 ½ burpees (weighted)
• 50 ( both arms = 1 rep) plank shoulder taps

Great workout. I recommend doing the half burpees without weights first.. as you progress then add the weights in. Right now I use 2 10lb dumbells. I still need to get myself a set of 12 lb weights and another 15 lb (since I only have one).

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I am really not ready for another week... I could use another day in my weekend!!!