A little reality check.

I took a trip down to Lavalette, NJ on Sunday to see what I could do to help in the rebuilding and restoring of my summer home. Knowing what happened and seeing the footage on the news is nothing compared to walking through the devastation of the Jersey shore. I felt like I was walking around a giant movie set. Piles and piles of houses next to wide areas of nothing where houses used to be. Seeing what was left of the Lavalette boardwalk (which is where I usually start my morning runs).. it was grounding. I really had to stop and think about the things I complain about. I complain because I struggle with food issues, I complain because I want to lose weight, I complain because I have to wake up early for work. Well, as much as we all need to complain sometimes, I really have nothing to complain about. Walking through the aftermath of hurricane Sandy was grounding. It was eye opening. Very much a reality check for me. Probably something I needed to make me realize I need to appreciate all the things I have in life because nothing is permanent.

“ Life is a gift. Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment you are in”

- Unknown

 

Spring Break.

Hey all!! It has been awhile since I have written... and I really can't blame anything!! If I want to be a blogger I think I need to get better at blogging!! This past week I was on “spring break”. School was closed and it was a much needed break to sit around and do nothing. Literally. I did nothing.. besides working out and food shopping. It has been so nice!! No waking up to an alarm, no work drama, etc. I did bring home things from work to do while on break and did I do any of it?!? Nope. Not one thing. Oh well, that is what break is for right?!

I have a new obsession with two TV shows. I am not the biggest TV watcher but this break has allowed me to reconnect with netflix! I watched all 3 seasons of Arrested Development and if you have not watched it I really suggest you do. It is hysterical. At the end of May a 4th season is coming out for Netflix only and I can't wait!! I also watched season 3 of Justified and am moving on to season 4. Another amazing show!! Check them out if you haven't already! I almost don't like finding good shows because I don't want to spend so much time infront of the TV. Oh well.. they are worth it :)

I hope everyone had a great Easter holiday. Mine was full of wine and food! I enjoyed every minute of it and did not let myself feel guilty for eating certain things. Big step for me! We only live once and we should enjoy each moment we have. I am trying to work on that.

I have a workout to share with you guys. Check out the I workout section for it. All you need is a bosu.. if you don't have one you could do it with nothing but your wonderful self!

Here's to remaining positive and enjoying life!!

Enjoy your Saturday!

Hitting Bottom

Once you hit bottom the only way to go is up right??

 I found out some information last weekend which made me re-live some moments from my past… and not the good moments. Of course I turned to the one thing I turn to when I feel any sort of emotion- binging. Hit rock bottom. I am learning when you hit bottom it is time to take a real hard look at things and work on how you can fix them. Stay as positive as you can and work on getting yourself to a good place. I saw a quote which really hit me and it said: “Don’t look back, you aren’t going that way”. It is so true. We aren’t moving in reverse. We are moving forward. We need to forgive others and forgive ourselves to live a happy, positive and fulfilling life. I am still working on finding mine but I know I will get there. I have been reading a lot of articles on www.mindbodygreen.com. I recommend checking the website out for some awesome information. The website makes me want to become a yogi!!

 Enjoy.

A new week and some guilty tv pleasures.

Another week goes by where I realize I have not stopped to blog. I really need to get better at paying attention to that!

So I have changed my goals for myself when it comes to binge eating. Of course.. I want this ED gone, like yesterday.. but that is not possible. It takes a great deal of effort. It amazes me to think how my goal is to be in the best possible shape I can be and have a healthy relationship with food but somehow I end up sabotaging it and binging. Reality is- it is a disorder. It takes work to get better and it is not just going to stop. My goal for myself is for my binge eating to decrease in the amount of days per week. A few weeks back it was everyday.. this last week 4 out of the 7 days were binge days. Yes, I am disappointed in myself but that is less than the week before. I need to focus on the positive and not the negative. Today is the start of a new week and my goal is to do better this week than the last. I know I can do it! I have also increased my working out again. I was feeling so down about myself that I was not even going to the gym for fear of what others would think about me. That is not going to stop me anymore!

New topic... guilty tv pleasures. Mine is by far Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries. Supernatural is my favorite though. Netflix has seasons 1-7 and I am re-watching them.. yes, re watching!! Do you guys have any guilty tv pleasures??

Today I want to do the crossfit 13.1 open WOD involving lots of burpees and snatches. I think I may throw in a P90X dvd too. Here is to a better week!!!

 

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."

Time for change.

Weekends fly by. I swear the days go from Friday night- Sunday night. No Saturday in between.

My mother brought me a book to read she got from a seminar on change. It is called Who Moved my Cheese? It is about 2 mice and 2 little people searching for cheese and what they have to do when their cheese is moved (change). It is a very short read and the moral of the story is a good one. I recommend it to anyone who has a little bit of a hard time with change, in life, in their job, in relationships, etc. Everyone has to face change eventually and how we handle it says a lot about who we are and what the outcome of the change will be.

I went for a bunch of bloodwork last week to try and figure out what has been going on with me lately. I also have an appointment with an allergist next week. Waking up every day with a migraine, swollen eyes and a body retaining a crazy amount of water has not been pretty. I am ready to be feeling better. I feel like every day I am moody, irritable and depressed from whatever is going on. I am totally taking it out on my family too.. which is not fair. So I guess it is time for me to change and figure out what to do when my cheese is moved :)

Enjoy your Sunday!!

Willpower where have you gone?

Ok confession. As you already know I suffer from emotional binge eating. Well.. it seems that it has been running my life lately. Feels good to get that off my chest! As of today, I am not letting it happen anymore. From Thanksgiving until about March has been a hard time for me for the last few years. My best friend passed away 5 years ago this month. I am wondering if this is why my binge eating increases like crazy during this time. This binge eating leads to weight gain which, for me, leads to depression. I pull back from the gym and do nothing because I feel awful about myself. I feel as if everyone looking at me just sees the weight I have put on. Which is crazy... just me and my good old mental issues!!

I remember the good old days where I had the willpower to stay away from any food which in my mind was “bad”. Wouldn't go near it. Now I feel as if everything I try to stay away from ends up consuming my thoughts and is what I binge on. Crazy!! I do not understand how there is not more research done on this disorder with ways to help those of us who suffer from it. I really think it is more common then not. I suffered from it when I was younger, I just had no idea what it was. Interestingly enough when I had that willpower the disorder went dormant. Or maybe, my thoughts are all wrong and the food restriction led to the binging again. However I honestly think I use it to fulfill an emotional need. People tell you to identify your triggers. Well everything in life must be mine- being sad, lonely, bored, tired, frustrated, anxious, feeling like a failure, etc. All of my emotions lead me straight to a binge.

I am promising myself I will get a handle on this. I will take my life back!!

I had a doctors appointment today to under go some testing for a possible gluten allergy/intolerance and lupus. I also had a whole metabolic profile completed. It will be interesting to see the results. After being tested I did some research and apparently there is a connection between gluten allergies and binge eating. I think I will continue research in this area and let you all know what I find out!

I hope everyone had a great week. Heres to an even better weekend!

Failure is my middle name.

Ever have those mornings where you wake up thinking “today is a new day.. a new start” just to end up messing up and then saying “tomorrow is a new day... a new start”. Ugh! I feel like I have been stuck in this cycle for weeks, who am I kidding- MONTHS, now. I keep trying to forgive myself but each and every day I am failing at the goals I am trying to accomplish. I am unsure of how to work my way around (through??) this life lesson. I can not figure out what it is yet.. but I want to learn the lesson and move on. I don't like not being in control of things when it comes to my eating/working out. I feel like I am losing control and can not get a handle on it. Some how, some way this has got to change. I do not have time to waste anymore on letting my ED run my life but I am not sure how to stop it. I try.. I swear I do. Those who do not have an ED will not understand- it is not about willpower. It is about an addiction. One that you can not escape.. no matter what you do. Well, I am done. I will figure out a way to beat this and when I do I am going to commit to help others beat this too.

* check out the workout section for an awesome workout I did a few days ago... took me 45:13 to finish it :)