Sunday FUNday (short post)

I can't actually say a super fun day for me... being I still feel a bit “under the weather”.. but any day football is on = a good one.

I thought I would update you guys on the 17 day diet so far. I am on day 6. The first 4 days I stuck to phase one without deviating at all... the 5^th day not so much. My body was craving carbohydrates like crazy! So I had chocolate and pizza and it turned into an all out binge... hence the reason restrictive diets really are not good for you. Your body needs proteins, carbs and fats. The first phase of this diet restricts carbohydrates. I am working on the whole “forgive yourself” thing and have forgiven myself and tried to stick to phase one since the dreaded “oops”. Yesterday, I ate too much according to the diet. The first 17 days are restricted to 1200 calories. I had about 1500... again, the whole forgiveness thing. Another thing I am struggling with is the dairy limitation and no peanut butter. You are also only supposed to have 2 dairy servings and NO peanut butter (even though I only use bell plantation's pb2). I eat a lot of greek yogurt and pb2. So restricting those has been tough. I am trying to look at it as- if I am eating healthier, I am accomplishing something. Positive right?!?

Nothing else really new here. I want to fast forward the clock a few months to a new skinner and healthier me. If only that was possible!!

Enjoy your Sunday!!

2013 is off to a ....

Fill in the blank... 2013 is off to a ??? start. Most people start off with a “heck yes I am going to... “eat less, exercise more, lose weight, be positive, be kinder, eat less chocolate, etc”... well how is it going so far?? For me, my blank would probably be “rocky”. We are 13 days in to 2013 and already I am off to a rocky start... you know why?? We are human. We make mistakes. This is ok! Rocky is ok!! I am looking at each day as a new start. A new beginning where the mistakes of yesterday do not matter. Each “mistake” is a new learning experience. Each day is full of learning experiences ;)

I am not sure how much I have shared regarding my relationship with food with you guys. I have an eating disorder. I briefly attended therapy but, not that my therapist was bad, I did not stick with it because it was a far drive and I felt like I was paying a lot of money just to talk about nonsense with someone. Right now, I want to start again. I actually have never been diagnosed by a professional but I can give you my professional opinion... I have experienced it all. I started off by binge eating during my middle school and high school years, cycled into anorexia when I graduated graduate school, moved on to bulimia at the end of 2009 and now am back at binge eating. My weight fluctuates so much it is crazy. This is hard for me to admit and puts myself in such a vulnerable place but I feel like I need to tell people. Maybe that will be my first step to getting better. Today, I binged. My first goal for myself is, if I binge, not to purge. Today I reached that goal. I still feel gross, fat and bloated due to the amount of food I shoveled into my body but I am trying to look at the positive side and tell myself that- hey, I did not purge! This has got to be the first step to getting better right?!?

Tomorrow I am actually starting the 17 day diet with my Mother and a bunch of her co-workers. I find it funny because they all look to me for nutrition and fitness advice. I am very good at giving it.. but not good at using it in my own life. Don't get me wrong, I love learning about nutrition, sharing what I know with everyone and I LOVE working out... but I don't look it. Why??? Because I binge eat.. and nutrition is, in my opinion, 75-80% of the way you look. So for me.. I look “average” with “a little weight to lose”. I don't want to look average. I want to look and be healthy. I want to be fit. If I am saying everything I actually want to do- I want to quit my job and become a fitness and eating disorder counselor. That is part of the reason I want to fully beat my eating disorder. I want to help others beat it. If I can live through it and beat it I really feel like I can help others too. 2013 is going to be my year to beat my eating disorder, get healthy both mentally, emotionally and physically and develop a healthy relationship with myself and my body. I will keep you guys all updated on my journey.

Thank you for listening. This post was really hard for me to share. The one thing I haven't done yet is told my parents the extent of my eating disorder.

Have any of you guys ever experienced this? What did you do? How did you share this with your family??

Don't quit!

After posting yesterday I sat down just thought about things... I realized I was approaching things all wrong. From the negative side. I needed to stop and flip my thoughts to a positive one. Yes, I may not be exactly where I wanted to be and yes, I am going to have to work hard to get there.. but that is the beauty of it. It will help me appreciate the processes. Instant satisfaction.. that is what I wanted. Over night results... just not possible!!

I found a poem called “Don't Quit” that I wanted to share with you all. Remember life has its ups and its downs... but don't give up on your goals, don't quit!

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won have he stuck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faultering man
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victors cup
And he learned too late when the night slipped down
How close he was to the golden crown

Success is a failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worst that you must not quit"
- Anonymous

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Have a great Sunday and enjoy the playoffs. I know I am happy because Greenbay won last night!!

Over it

I have decided I am “over it”. I am over setting goals to let myself fall right off of them and making excuses. Maybe that should be my goal for myself in 2013.. set realistic (key realistic!) goals and stick to them. I read a recent blog where the blogger wrote herself 30 things to accomplish at 30 and I thought that was a great idea. I decided I will come up with a 28 things to accomplish at 28 for myself. When I complete my list I will post it.

Anyone else set a resolution to already have “failed” at it?!? Well, we are only human and I am part of that club. Honestly, it must mean the goal/resolution was a bit unrealistic for where I am mentally, emotionally and physically right now. I do still plan on getting myself to the best me I can be in all of those areas for this year. That can be one of my 28 things.

Some of the things I am “over”

• eating unhealthy
• binge eating
• feeling lonely
• feeling sick
• skipping workouts for ridiculous reasons (or at least what I consider ridiculous)
• gaining weight
• being unhappy with myself
• stress at work
• being negative

There are many other things I can add to the above list but these are the first things that come to my mind. I always try to be a positive person.. when I notice things are becoming more negative I need to stop and really figure out what is going on. This is one of those times!!

Here is to remaining more positive!

I hope everyone's year has been off to a better start then mine! The great thing about life is we have the power to change, use what we have experienced as a learning opportunity and always be better then we were yesterday!!